


Drunk Love [Rafael Barba]

by law_nerd105



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28893300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/law_nerd105/pseuds/law_nerd105
Summary: You couldn't possibly live up to his standards, could you? He wasn't looking for a woman like you, and it hurt.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Reader, Rafael Barba/You
Kudos: 14





	Drunk Love [Rafael Barba]

“Because maybe I like you more than just a friend or a co – worker,” it came out as barely a murmur, although I had intended to all but shout it at him.

The rain was falling heavy by then. But I wasn’t getting cold, the alcohol had left me hot and with a pleasant buzz running through my veins. Tears were streaming down my face, barely visible through the rain and the night. And I stood there in front of him, soaked from running all the way in the rain.

“I-” under any other circumstances, I would never have done anything as stupid as kiss him. But by then, I would blame it on the last shot of tequila.

I leaped up onto the tips of my toes and kissed him, really kissed him, the way I’ve been wanting to since the day I met him. But I pulled away, noticing when he hadn’t reacted to me. He stood frozen when I looked at him again, looking down at me with his eyes half open and his lips slightly parted.

“Rafael!” my smile fell faster than I could process the voice of the woman who had called him. I took a shaky step back, almost slipping on the step.

“(Y/N), no, it’s not-” he started to protest, reaching for me.  
“Rafael?” the voice of the woman called again, and then I spotted Yelina over Rafael’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry I interrupted your night,” my voice cracked as I stared at the two with wide eyes, shock and pain flooded through my entire body. I stumbled a few more steps backwards then turned and started walking away.

I could hear Rafael calling out for me behind my back, but I didn’t stop.

My chest felt tight and uncomfortable. My legs were shaky and sore, barely carrying me.

I collapsed against the brick wall of a local store, the rain still pouring down on me as I hugged my knees to my chest and shook as I sobbed.

I wanted one thing in this world, and as it turns out, I can’t even have that.

I knew I would be sick in the morning, but all I wanted to do in that moment was to crawl into a dark hole and never come out. I lulled my head back and it hit the wall behind me. My eyes shut as I tried to calm down. The tears and raindrops running down the side of my face in a mix.

I didn’t know if I was more hurt knowing he doesn’t want me or more embarrassed at the fact that I thought he would ever want me.

I jumped when someone sat down beside me, looking over at them.

“Hey,” Sonny barely whispered, a gentle smile on his lips. I sighed, leaning my head onto his shoulder. He slung his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. He was dry for the most part, but as we were sitting there in the rain he became as soaked as I was. His hair tousled and wet, the water drops running down his face.

I looked up at him, and I swear it felt like the movies. Maybe it was because he was my partner, or because he looked so good in the rain, but I found myself leaning towards me.

“(Y/N),” his voice was soft, but he didn’t pull away.

I placed my hand on his chest, sitting on my knees on the hard, wet pavement as my mouth came closer to his. He reached for my hips, pulling at me until I straddled his lap, my one hand threaded through his wet locks of hair and the other still rested on his chest.

The kiss was sweet, innocent even. But it didn’t stay that way for very long. His mouth started moving hungrily over mine, his tongue sliding between my lips into my mouth. I gasped at the sensation, cupping his jaw, and pushing myself against him.

His other hand slid around my waist, running up my back and tugging at the hairs at the base of my neck. He pulled me deeper into the kiss, his mouth hot and heavy on mine. I whimpered when his fingers dug into the flesh of my hip, dragging me closer to him.

“No, no,” Sonny breathed out, his breathing heavy as he forced himself to pull away. I chased his mouth, but he wouldn’t let me.

“Sonny,” I whined, longing for his mouth back against mine.

“(Y/N), you don’t want this. You don’t want me,” I sighed, dropping my head forward to rest into the crook of his neck. Sonny pulled me closer, and it took me all of two seconds to start sobbing again, clutching onto him for dear life.

“Why doesn’t he want me?” I whispered, speaking through a sob. Sonny stroked my back reassuringly, placing a kiss to my shoulder.

“Sometimes the people we like most doesn’t want us, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it,” he sighed, and in that moment I knew he was thinking about Amanda. I knew he knew exactly how I was feeling.

“It sucks,” I chocked out, my eyes shut, clinging to him, and trying to calm down. Sonny chuckled, the sound vibrating through his chest.

“Yeah, I know.”

We sat there for a while longer in complete silence while Sonny whispered reassuring nothingness into my ear, stroking my back to try to calm me.

And as the minutes ticked by, both of us only getting wetter because of the rain, I couldn’t help but feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

I should’ve known I wouldn’t hold up to Rafael’s standards. I would never be his idea of an ideal woman, how could I? He wanted someone who… someone like Yelina. Someone that’s outright gorgeous. Someone that can put on a dress and actually pull it off. Someone who’s delicate and proper. Someone that wasn’t like me.

I sighed into the curve of Sonny’s shoulder as I pulled away, looking him into his blue eyes that now looked dark and dull in the night.

“Come on, let’s go home,” I said, leaning in to place a gentle kiss to his forehead.  
“Yeah,” he agreed, and we stood.

Sonny had his arm slung around my shoulders, keeping me close as he walked me back to my apartment, reassuring me the whole way back.

Maybe I would feel better tomorrow.

***

I woke up with a raging headache, my vision blurred when I finally did open my eyes. I groaned as I rolled over in my bed, my body unwilling to work with me at all.

I noticed a glass of water and two headache pills on my bedside table, and I silently thanked Sonny for knowing I would need it. Not only had I drank until I was a little buzzed at the bar, but I had drowned myself in a half empty bottle of cheap vodka after Sonny had left me alone in my apartment.

It wasn’t worth it, thinking back now. But I knew I would be doing it again tonight.

I very quickly silenced my screaming alarm, it did me absolutely no good. I dreaded going to work today, in fact, I knew I shouldn’t. Not only had I gotten drunk last night, but I knew I would need to face Rafael today if I did go into work.

But when my phone rang, the name of my boss on the screen, I knew there was no way I could stay home.

After being informed of where the scene was, and that I should skip breakfast, I tossed my phone back onto the nightstand and groaned. It was going to be a long, painful day.

Against advice, and against the fact that I knew I would regret it, I ate breakfast. My go – to hangover breakfast sandwich from the little café next to my apartment building. Lieutenant Benson rarely told us to skip breakfast if we were called into a morning scene, so I knew to expect something horrible.

What a way to start Valentine’s Day.

***

I had thrown up shortly after seeing the crime scene, and again when we arrived at the precinct. After that I collapsed in my chair and crossed my arms on my desk and laid my head down on it.

My shoulders were tense, and there was a dull ache between my shoulder blades. I felt sick, and tired.

I jumped when a hand rested on my shoulder, and I shoved it away. Sonny was looking at me, his hands by his head and a chuckle escaping his lips.

“You okay?” he asked. I ran my hands down my face before looking at him.  
“I will be.”  
“Good, get up. You need to get us a warrant.”  
“Do I have to?” I groaned, knowing that meant facing Rafael.

He shrugged a shoulder, a small look of sympathy on his face.  
“Would you rather go back to the crime scene with Fin and Amanda?” I sighed as I stood.

In that moment I wondered what would be worse. Facing Rafael, or looking at the crime scene again.

“I’ll get the warrant.”

***

I knocked softly on Rafael’s office door, hoping he wouldn’t hear, and I would have an excuse to leave.

“It’s open,” he called through the door, and I briefly debated running away.

I turned the nob and walked into his office, he looked up and quickly stood when he saw that it was me.

“(Y/N), I-”  
“I need a warrant,” I interrupted him.

He sighed, moving past me, and locking his office door.

“Can we talk?”  
“I just need a warrant and then I’ll be out of your way,” I tossed the file to his desk then crossed my arms over my chest defensively and looked down at the floor of his office to avoid his eyes.

“There’s nothing going on between me and Yelina. She was there to try to convince me to give Alex a lesser sentence. That’s all,” he made sure to stand in front of me, knowing I couldn’t move away from him.

“That’s really great, I just need a warrant,” my grip on myself tightened.  
“Look at me,” I didn’t. “Look at me,” he repeated more sternly, so I did.

He leaned down towards me, his hands going to my hips.

“Don’t you dare kiss me,” I hissed, pushing him back. He stumbled a few feet, then sighed miserably.

“Look,” he stopped himself, dropping his hands to his sides and looking over at me. “What’s it going to take for you to believe me?”

I looked away from him, focusing on one of his bookshelves to the left. I didn’t want to face him. I had put my feelings on the line, look how that turned out.

“Fine, I’ll get you your warrant,” he spoke softer, unlocking his office and allowing me to push past him. “I’m sorry,” he breathed as I passed him, but I didn’t stop to turn to face him.

I collapsed against the wall of the elevator, taking in a deep and shaky breath to steady myself. To keep myself from shedding a tear. He wouldn’t have that amount of control over me. I wouldn’t let him.

He didn’t want someone like me, and I’d have to live with that.

***

“You didn’t get your heart broken,” I switched the channel again. “And you didn’t get your heart broken,” I switched the channel to reveal the next romantic movie playing. “And you didn’t-” a knock on my front door interrupted me.

I sighed, setting down my spiked coffee and TV remote, then made my way to the door. I hoped the person on the other side was just my neighbour. I was nowhere near presentable enough for the rest of the world to see. I had on my most worn leggings, the one with the little hole on the right knee, and a very oversized green sweater I bought before I joined the academy.

I shuffled my feet into my slippers and opened the door with little to no concern for who might be on the other side of it to witness me in my worst and most dishevelled state.

“Package for (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” an old man said, reading from the clipboard he held in his hand.

“That’s me,” he held the clipboard out towards me, and I signed it. He handed me a bouquet of roses and a heart shaped box of what I assumed was chocolates.

I thanked the old man and shut the door by leaning my back against it. I stared down at the roses confused. And then at the heart shaped box.

I put the roses in water and made my way back to the couch with the box in my hand. There was a little card attached to the front of it, and I tore it off to read it.

“Will you be my Valentine?” I read out loud. I tossed the card to the coffee table in front of me with a sigh, then opened the box.

“Classy,” I noticed the expensive mix of chocolates in the box. “Haven’t gotten one of these since high school.”

There was a knock on the door again. I stuffed one of the chocolates into my mouth and threw the wrapper away before making my way over to the door.

“I’m almost surprised to see you,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning against my doorframe. Rafael stood in front of me, dressed in black suit pants, a white button down with the top buttons open and his coat slung over his arm. His sleeves rolled up past his elbows.

“Who else would send you flowers and chocolates?” he asked, his brows furrowed in confusion as he looked down at me.

I shrugged a shoulder, standing upright.

“Seems like something Sonny would do in a pathetic attempt to make me feel better,” Rafael gave a short chuckle at that.

“Can I come in?”  
“Depends,” I eyed him up and down. “What are you going to say to me?”

He sighed, his eyes staying on me.

“That I’m sorry, and that I swear that there’s nothing going on between me and Yelina, and to ask you out to dinner,” he looked at me pleadingly, almost like a lost puppy.

I scoffed, I suppose I could only stay stubborn for so long.

I swung my arms around his neck and pulled him down to my level, my lips instantly connecting to his. Rafael groaned into my open mouth, walking me backwards and kicking the door shut with his foot.

He dropped his coat and placed both his hands at the backs of my knees, pulling me up into his arms.

I sighed into the kiss while he managed to find his way to my bedroom.

“For the record, I like you a lot more than a co – worker as well,” he spoke into the kiss, his tongue still working the inside of my mouth, my teeth teasing his tongue.

“For the record, we’re not going out to dinner tonight,” I threaded my hands into his hair, pulling him down with me when he dropped me onto my back on my bed.

“Tonight?”  
“Well, you do owe me an apology dinner.”

He chuckled, grabbing me by my ankles and dragging me to the edge of my bed.

“I have a better idea.”

Rafael yanked at my leggings, pulling at it until he had it off and tossed it over his shoulder. He quickly disposed of my panties before he slung my legs over his shoulders.

“You know,” I started, threading my fingers back through the soft locks of his perfectly combed hair. “You’re going to spend the entire night apologising,” he chuckled, his breath on my core sending shivers up my body.

“That was the original plan anyway.”

Without another word being said, his tongue ran up my wet slit. I gasped at the light touch, arching my back into him to feel more, trying to get him closer. I tugged at his hair until I felt his thumb pressing against my clit. He alternated between lapping at my core and sucking on my clit, his thumb rubbing circles there when his tongue was focused lower.

It wasn’t long before two of his fingers slid up my leg and between my thighs. His finger teased my entrance, slowly pushing inside of me while his tongue played with my clit.

“Rafael,” I moaned, pushing my hips up into him. His other hand came up to press down on my stomach to keep me in place.

When I managed to lift my head up enough, I almost came at the sight alone. Rafael’s head between my thighs, his eyes closed as he sucked on me. I threw my head back with a loud moan leaving my lips, my walls clenching around his fingers.

I could feel the muscles in my thighs straining tight as I withered beneath him. He sped up, his two fingers curling inside of me as he dragged both out before pushing back in harder. His fingers mimicking the come – hither motion inside me, reaching that sensitive spot inside of me that got me moaning and pressing my shoulders back into the bed.

“Rafael, I’m close,” I warned, my words barely audible above my heavy breathing. This only seemed to spur him on even more. I shouted his name as the knot inside me snapped and I came.

He didn’t stop. He kept going, his fingers still working me, his tongue still lapping at me. I cried out, trying to scurry away from him.

“Rafael… s-stop. Too… much,” I gasped, my eyes shut and my whole body tense with the sensation of pain flickering through me. He eased up slightly, but kept going. Until my pleas to stop turned into hot moans again.

The second orgasm was quick and had my body collapsing back against the bed. Slowly, Rafael pulled his fingers out of me and backed away, dragging a whine from my throat.

He stood, smirking down at me. I panted, trying to chase my breath.

“I can’t move,” I sighed, slinging my arm over my eyes.

Rafael chuckled, pushing me back up the bed and coming to lay down beside me. The bed shifted as he settled his weight next to me. He pulled me into his chest, placing a kiss to the top of my head.

“Am I forgiven?” I could practically hear the arrogance in his voice.  
“No,” I sighed, and he pulled away to look at me, confusion written over his face.  
“What?” I smiled.

“First we take care of that,” I murmured, cupping his erection through his pants in the palm of my hand and pressing against him. I reveled in the groan that left his mouth. “Then we order takeout. And then I’ll consider it.”

“You’re manipulative, you know that?” I kissed the exposed part of his chest.  
“But you like it,” I teased as I rolled him beneath me.  
“Yeah,” he looked up at me, a smile on his lips. A genuine smile. “I do.”


End file.
